I didn't get to bed until around 3.30am again. Up trailing the web promising myself '10 minutes' then succumbing to the hypnotising rabbit hole, click after click. i realised as i was temporarily distracted by a groan, weak fidget and repositioning (i was working next to him in bed), not only could i not function without the internet (sad, but true), but i feel excited about what's uncovered from its realm every day. so much learning, laughing and dismay at articles, blogs and the moving image.
i wanted to capture this feeling in a post (i'm being post-guttonous today, not sure if it will last), and make reference to a blog that i feel kick started my road to 'uncovering myself'. see for years i've started numerous blogs. but kept them sacred and private, for my eyes only. two problems with this: 1) i can let myself off the hook when i leave them stagnant. for months on end. and 2) i don't have the advantages that come through exposure. there is something quite amazing about sharing information with people, albeit terrifying! i love to learn, and am fascinated to explore topics from different angles.
The idea of blogging is an interesting one, and not only has it opened a world of new perspectives, but it's given me comfort and courage to bear my own. perhaps no-one will ever read my words, but it's ok as i don't feel the need to hide them away anymore. Heidi's blog was the first i stumbled across that hit me like a thunderbolt. it was a jab of realisation that there were lots more people 'like me', broadly speaking.
Unlike America, it seems the UK is a little bit more accepting of mixed race relationships.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/static/in_depth/uk/2002/race/changing_face_of_britain.stmThings have changed a lot from the experience of my parents in the late 70s, early 80s. My mums stories of threats of violence, ignorance and abuse still shock me today. she is a fearless woman who was determined to keep the child that she was offered money to 'get rid of' due to it being half-caste. i digress.
fascinated with what Heidi's blog brought to the table, i felt stunned and almost scared by what i uncovered. the mixed race experience, representation, identity and diaspora were ideas that had resonated my entire existence. school projects were dominated by exploring this subject, and despite my eagerness to explore a new research area that meant so much to me, i was met with discouraging remarks from tutors, and told 'i'm making things hard for myself', instead picking a more popular 'safe' topic. a book entitled 'black, white or mixed race changed my life. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Black-White-Mixed-Race-Parentage/dp/0415097088 it was one of the first in the uk to even raise the subject, and it inspired me at 14 to perservere despite the criticism i faced.
returning to the subject area years later, i find layer after layer of voices, that won't be told to be quiet and hide away. more research on the topic is available within the public sphere, and i can talk with others who had a similar experience. see, i'm not big on race being an issue. it's a term that can be over used, over analysed and over killed. i am interested in exploring how we can all move forward and achieve unity, celebrating individuality, respecting and celebrating heritage, but not dividing on this bases. i want to challenge preconceptions, raise awareness and also connect with others that have had a shared experience, or even offer new experiences to the table. i'm almost 29 now, and finally had the courage to not only start, but keep a blog. reading Heidi's works, and others she recommend has given me courage to be myself and take the plunge. a childhood dream (of many) was to be a writer and an actress. i gave up on those dreams because i didn't believe i could ever succeed in such competitive fields. seems now there are more writers and actors than ever, however i want to give them a shot. since deciding this, i've had small paid acting roles, and committed to a regular acting class which i adore. i've also decided to share my words with others, and commit to developing myself. this is a long winded way of saying thank you to Heidi, and all those that continue to inspire me. thank you for writing, sharing and motivating others. following their achievements has helped me to battle my fear and move forward.
fascinated with what Heidi's blog brought to the table, i felt stunned and almost scared by what i uncovered. the mixed race experience, representation, identity and diaspora were ideas that had resonated my entire existence. school projects were dominated by exploring this subject, and despite my eagerness to explore a new research area that meant so much to me, i was met with discouraging remarks from tutors, and told 'i'm making things hard for myself', instead picking a more popular 'safe' topic. a book entitled 'black, white or mixed race changed my life. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Black-White-Mixed-Race-Parentage/dp/0415097088 it was one of the first in the uk to even raise the subject, and it inspired me at 14 to perservere despite the criticism i faced.
returning to the subject area years later, i find layer after layer of voices, that won't be told to be quiet and hide away. more research on the topic is available within the public sphere, and i can talk with others who had a similar experience. see, i'm not big on race being an issue. it's a term that can be over used, over analysed and over killed. i am interested in exploring how we can all move forward and achieve unity, celebrating individuality, respecting and celebrating heritage, but not dividing on this bases. i want to challenge preconceptions, raise awareness and also connect with others that have had a shared experience, or even offer new experiences to the table. i'm almost 29 now, and finally had the courage to not only start, but keep a blog. reading Heidi's works, and others she recommend has given me courage to be myself and take the plunge. a childhood dream (of many) was to be a writer and an actress. i gave up on those dreams because i didn't believe i could ever succeed in such competitive fields. seems now there are more writers and actors than ever, however i want to give them a shot. since deciding this, i've had small paid acting roles, and committed to a regular acting class which i adore. i've also decided to share my words with others, and commit to developing myself. this is a long winded way of saying thank you to Heidi, and all those that continue to inspire me. thank you for writing, sharing and motivating others. following their achievements has helped me to battle my fear and move forward.
1 comment:
hey littlest hobo. read this when I was in uni and what a good read it was! cool blog you got here, please do keep sharing your words. One
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